This book is a MUST READ as its helps in all aspects of negotiating. You learn techniques from Chris Voss, who was the lead international kidnapping negotiator and the FBI's hostage negotiation representative.
These techniques have helped me personally and professionally and I wanted to share the lessons I have learned to improve your negotiation toolbox!
There are things that we know that can help with negotiating and connecting with other people, but we need to be reminded of these things! Negotiation serves two functions including gathering information and behavior influencing.
-When negotiating, using an apology and using their first name to make the conversation more personal
-A passive aggressive approach to negotiation: Ask the same 3-4 questions over and over gain to get our counterpart work out by answering the same questions, which gives the negotiator everything he/she wants
-Ask "calibrated questions" (questions that start with "how" or "what") which are queries that the other side can respond to but that have no fixed answers. This buys you time and gives your counter the illusion of control
People want to be understood and accepted so listen intensely, demonstrates empathy, and show them your sincere desire to better understand what the other side is experiencing. When individuals feels listened to, they tend to listen to themselves more carefully and to openly evaluate themselves.
They clarify their own thoughts and feelings. They become less defensive oppositional and more willing to listen to other points of view
- True active listening means making it about other people,validating their emotions, creating trust and safety
-Use "mirroring" means to copy each other to comfort each other by repeating last 3 words of what someone has said.We fear what's different and are drawn to what's similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity which facilitates bonding
-Use silence of at lest 4 seconds to the mirror to work its magic on your counterpart
-use a deep slow soft voice for reassuring and ease of confrontation
-put a smile on your face: When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly and more likely to collaborate and problem solve and resist
-don't feel their pain, "label" it: spot their feelings and turn them into words calmly and repeatedly respecting their emotions back to them. Labels start with "It seems like.., sounds like, looks like..." Do not start sentence with "I". Phrase a label as a neutral statement of understanding, encouraging counterpart to be responsive then follow with silence
-use tactical empathy: understanding feelings and mindset of another in the moment and also hearing what is behind those feelings so your increase your influence in all the moments that follow.
-Perform an accusation audit, which entails listing every terrible thing your counterpart could say about you.. saying it before they do... It's basically the last battle in "8 Mile" where Emimem says everything that the other rapper could say about him and says it before the rapper does
-"NO" is not the end of the negotiation, but the beginning. "No" makes speaker feels safe, secure and in control so trigger it. Break the habit of attempting to get people to say "yes". "Yes" makes people defensive. Sometimes the only way to get your counterpart to listen and engage with you is by forcing them into a "no."
-Early on negotiation say "I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times. So please time stop me at anytime if you feel like I'm being unfair and well address it."
-If you can get the other party to reveal their problems, pain and unmet objectives, if you can get at what people are really buying, then you can sell them a vision of their problems that leaves your proposal as the perfect solution
-body language and tone of voice are powerful tools in negotiation
-to get an upper hand in negotiation, you have to persuade them they have something concrete to lose if the deal falls through
When negotiating a business deal:
1) perform accusation audits
2) let your counterpart go first when coming a price or number for business deal
3) establish a range: people focus on first number and expect to go on low end
4) incorporate non monetary terms
5) when talk numbers, use odd numbers; odd numbers feel like a figure that came to a thoughtful calculation
6) surprise counterpart with an unexpected gift
These are helpful negotiation tips in order to get everything to get you want.. Let the negotiating BEGIN!!!!!!
This is a book I've been meaning to read. Just wanted to say thank you for such an amazing review!!